Not a creature was stirring, not even the bait;
My waders were hung up in the garage with great care,
In hopes that when I put them back on, no spiders would be there;
The alarm clock was set, as I crawled into bed,
While visions of big trout danced in my head;
My clothes were laid out, with my shoes & my cap,
I’d soon slip them on, after a short little nap,
When out in the garage there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the back door I flipped on the light,
No one was walking off with my rods tonight.
The light popped on & what did I see
Two stinking raccoons starring right back at me,
What the hell were they doing & why were they here,
They had tore open my Gulp & spilled all my beer,
With a flick of the wrist, so lively and quick,
I threw open the door & grabbed me a stick.
Those coons took off runnin’ just as fast as they came,
I hollered & shouted & cussed them in vain;
What a mess they had made, those two little bastards,
They ripped open three beers, they must have been plastered.
From the door to the patio & all back to the wall
They tore into everything, my jerk jrs & all!
As I stood there & starred at the mess they had made,
I couldn’t help but laugh, cuz I was truly amazed.
Sand eels & crank baits & even my spoons,
I’ll never get this mess cleaned up, I’ll be here till noon.
Well it took me an hour, but I cleaned it all up,
And I calmed my nerves with some eggnog that I poured in a cup.
I crawled back into bed, but I still couldn’t sleep,
I remembered I had two Gulp shrimp in my pocket that those coons didn’t eat.
I gave up on my nap & got back up out of bed,
I put on my clothes & my hat on my head.
I sat down in my chair, put a shoe on each foot,
I heard a slight cough & looked up at my wife giving me the look!
What the hell are you doing, she wanted to know,
I said I’m doing the dishes & folding the clothes!
Her eyes got big & she said “Oh yeah, real funny”
“Now stop fooling around & come back to bed honey.”
She headed to the bathroom, I guess to go pee
She asked “What time is it?”, Uhhhhh a quarter till 3
I tried to divert her attention by brushing my teeth,
Until she got back in bed & drew the covers with her head underneath.
I slipped out the door as quietly as I could be,
Two hours later she called my phone & said “Where the hell are you at?” I replied… “Ummmmm…. LNG!”
She said “After I laid the law down, you still had to go?”
I told her “Fish On! I gotta go!”
I netted my fish & laid the monster down in my lap,
An 8 pound speckled trout, caught on a chrome Rat-L-Trap!
I heard my phone chirp “Text Message Received”, probably from my wife,
"Happy Christmas baby, enjoy the couch tonight!”
